mind like an oil slick

by people you meet outside of bars

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1.
00:40
sit up. do not wake up. fumble for a marker in the dark and cover your skin in permanent ink so that you will always remember the feelings you are dreaming about. when you are investigating the smudges on your skin the next morning, do not try to make them into letters. when you see letters, do not try to make them into words. when you find words, do not try to make them into poetry. do not read anyone the poetry. wake up. do not sit up. investigate the smudges on your ceiling and do not publish the rhymes.
2.
02:21
so fragile, so notoriously unreliable filled with mixtures of volatile chemicals so easily unbalanced and broken i don't think i want to make any more new human friends they all go. they all go. they all go. they all go. they all go. they all go. they all go sometime.
3.
00:41
you sit at a piano with a pen in your hands and a song in your ear and embers of what was a fiercely burning desire to leave an impression on people slowly smouldering to ash in your chest. you open your eyes as wide as you can and try to use the faint heat of the cinders to ignite the words you need. the coal is coating your heart and lungs and stomach and throat and seizing them all but you’re sure you have at least one more fire in you— just one more poem, to cremate what’s left.
4.
the sun will rise on my softened body just hours after we leave here after we finally move our feet from these soft wood planks after we tear ourselves from this table of shadflies and beer the sun will reach down to work tension out of my bare shoulders painting them like it paints clouds with sailors' warnings and it will dry up and flake off; art always fades off of my body nobody can mark me, not even the maker of mornings not even the bringer of daylight can brand me permanently we'll feast, we'll feed on that windy island bare feet in gravel and on dirt we'll run and we'll fall like we used to in schoolyards we'll touch our bloody knees with sweaty fingers like they don't hurt we'll feast, we'll fly, we'll climb away from everything that chased our vessel on its journey across the sea and our feet will not meet the ground again our toes won't touch the road that we rode into this town on as we take it back
5.
i hope the world ends i hope it does i hope that we all die at once i hope that we all die at once with no survivors i hope the world ends so no-one ever has to mourn their friends again give me locusts, give me bombs give me useless prayers and psalms give me cracking tectonic plates fire and plague and zombie licks give me an apocalypse make me patient zero in a blight that overnight will show us all the fabled tunnel light i hope there's no future i hope there's not i hope the world burns to the core i hope the world burns to the core or we all drown i hope there's no future so no-one ever sees a sepulture again lizard people, if you're listening come and leave the scorched earth glistening with our blood and leave our corpses to the beatles all you gods i don't believe in come and punish all us heathens i am tired of burying people
6.
01:51
when the rain came we peeled off our masks and laid on the gravel our fingers full of knotted grass when the night fell we piled in your car and rolled down the windows our fingers full of sky and stars
7.
01:45
she says "i want to live in the jaw of a dinosaur "the eyes can be the windows, the teeth can be the door" she says "i want to live in a t-rex's skull "to find out what they were thinking at the end of at all" the end of it all the end of it all. "so let's find the best museum, let's break in tonight "we can bring a sleeping bag and we can cuddle up real tight "we'll toss a couple throw pillows under the brontosaurus "there's nothing outside of old bones for us" just old bones for us just old bones for us just old bones for us just old bones for us
8.
00:46
everything on my body is drying out and receding, but my hair still drips with grease. the outside reflects the inside. i have always had a mind like an oil slick: a product of mistakes of the modern world that poisons everyone who stops to admire how it plays with light. the first flakes of snow brush against my bare legs, taking flecks of skin down to the ground with them. i wish it would all come off at once so i could leave the husk in my hallway to warn explorers. turn back; you are headed toward the basilisk.
9.
[you] [me] [us] [ampersand] i am the saddest sound when you put your feet on the ground my tongue begins to ache stomach falls and palpitates with your early morning breath you kiss my lips and say directly "i should probably go" whoa, no, darling, no soon as i put my arms around you "i have to go." i know you do. but i want to block the door throw your shoes back to the floor float with you on this ship of sheets forever or at least for weeks so you can fill this next verse up with whatever words will make you stay here with your face next to mine whoa, our fingers twined i'm sick of semi-colons i'd like to change our punctuation to only ampersands no full-stops only "and" if we're a sentence, let's be a run-on a sprawling thing three chapters long a jumbled mess of comma splices the whole damn cupboard's worth of spices we'll pull the covers up over our heads you're all i need. let's stay in bed
10.
you ask me what i'm thinking while i stare into the sky i have nothing to say. well, that's a lie i'm thinking you don't even realize there are only two swatches of fabric between our thighs i wanna kiss without teeth i want blood to surface thanks to teeth instead of blunt force trauma and i want love. yeah, i said it i want you to give back my heart i want to give it away again to the next woman who graces my neck with her tongue i wanna regret it when a hand runs down my ribcage when a knee drives my legs apart when fingers explore the skin that covers my heart i wanna feel a fraction of what i feel when we're just in the same room. i wanna feel anything for anyone, from anyone who isn't you you ask me what i'm thinking as i stare into the sky i have nothing to say. well, that's a lie i'm thinking the sun is rising and that's always your cue to say goodbye
11.
00:52
things are always breaking inside of you. your throat is an unnavigable desert, all scorched earth and gouged ground, and your ears crackle and fade like cheap headphones. strings in your head sing as they’re pulled tight and begin to vibrate, higher and higher, building up a discordant hum that ends in a thunderclap of snapping. it echoes down through your muscles, shaking your eyes open. you stare at the wall and try to will them to close for a few hours. there’s a pressure in your bones like they’re all about to burst. you kind of wish they would.

about

some recordings i did in 2012 thrown together in a it's-nearly-new-year's-eve-and-oh-my-god-i-have-nothing-to-show-for-this-year-creatively panic

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released December 29, 2012

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people you meet outside of bars Peterborough, Ontario

hi, i'm satah. welcome to gay goth vibes dot online, my collection of big feelings. i like to sing about stuff that hearts do, like stopping forever or breaking or going too fast or whatever

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