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04:18

about

tiny monthly themed ep 3/12

sometimes sickness brings you to a place that is neither very charismatic nor particularly kind

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released March 31, 2016

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about

people you meet outside of bars Peterborough, Ontario

this is a person you meet outside of bars and they like to yell while hitting things that have strings

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Track Name: it's not your fault you ruined my life
i'm so depressed, it never ends
and i take it out on my best friends
and so they slowly grow to hate me hate me hate me
to be around me is a chore
my moods swing, they hit the floor
my eyes dart, my smile is shaky shaky shaky

they say, "you used to clown around
now all you do is bring us down
you're like a poison, like a vampire vampire vampire
it's not that we're not here for you
it's just that everything you do
is like a sinkhole, like a quagmire quagmire quagmire"

and i understand-- i really do
i exhaust myself, too
to lend a hand, to pull me through
well, what's the point when i'm so constantly blue?

i'm so depressed, or i'm just sad
i don't really have it that bad
it's just a lie that my mind repeats repeats repeats
but knowing it's just in my brain
doesn't do shit to stop the pain
doesn't do anything to free me free me free me

i know that i've been getting worse
and you don't want to see my hearse
i swear i get why you would get out get out get out
so go ahead just leave me now
i will stay right here on the ground
i will not follow, get the lead out lead out lead out

'cause i understand-- i really do
i exhaust myself, too
to lend a hand, to pull me through
well, what's the point when i'm so constantly blue?

i'm so depressed, it doesn't quit
and i treat everyone like shit
and so they give up and they hate me hate me hate me
i never go out anymore
i stay at home and watch the floor
and when i'm sober i am shaky shaky shaky

i am not trying to lay blame
anyone else would do the same
it's in your best interest to get out get out get out
please! go ahead! just leave me now
i'll hide and try not to be found
i will not follow, get the lead out lead out lead out

i understand-- i really do
i exhaust myself, too.
to lend a hand, to pull me through
well, what's the point when i'm so constantly blue?
Track Name: playing house
all my friends are playing house
i'm still licking blood off my fingers
my friends are up and catching fire
and i am sitting down in the cinders

it's not fair to say they're playing
in fact, who am i to be saying anything?
there's no maligning, no betraying
only growth and only changing
christ, there's nothing wrong with changing

all my friends are drying off
i'm still soaking wet in the staircase
they're settling in and settling down
and i am drinking 'til i'm a disgrace

it's not fair to play the martyr
or expect them to all stay nonstarters
it's not like i've been abandoned
or like they conspired and planned it
and christ, who am i to claim candid?

it's not fair to be so bitter
i should be more kind, be more considerate
there's no use crying, no use blaming
over growth or over changing
christ! there's nothing wrong with changing
Track Name: j/k!
everyone is so proud they're so proud they're so proud of me
for my good health, for keeping myself above the waves

everyone keeps saying they say they say, "we were certain
oh, shit, for sure, she's a goner, we'll see her grave"

i guess i worried some folks, i guess some folks were worried
some folks, i guess, thought i was a mess who'd never behave

well if everyone was so sure was so damn sure i was going to swing
why didn't anyone anyone anyone anyone do anything??

just kidding :)
my days of ungratefulness are certainly middling
just kidding, just kidding, just kidding, i'm kidding

i'm very thankful you talked to each other and never to me
confirming that things i was doing to myself were unhealthy
never expressing concern i may be acting dangerously
i never felt isolated! i never felt lonely

it's no-one's fault, technically it's no-one else's fault i
would not accept, would firmly reject anyone's help

but if everyone was so sure was so damn sure i was going to die
why didn't anyone anyone anyone anyone try

whatever
everyone tells me i'm doing much better
whatever! whatever.

the theory i'm hearing is i must be fine if i'm sometimes sober
everyone sees a difference in my eyes and my composure
my decreased tolerance is a symptom of having found closure
i'm never fucked up now, i'm never hungover

it's true that i'm it's true i'm it's true i'm not as bad as i was in the thick
does that mean i'm not sick? does it mean that i've grown?

certainly i'm certainly certainly i'm not like i was back at home
when i was alone, and i was alone

and if everyone was so sure was so damn sure i was in crosshairs
why didn't anyone anyone anyone anyone care

just kidding