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1.
i'm so depressed, it never ends and i take it out on my best friends and so they slowly grow to hate me hate me hate me to be around me is a chore my moods swing, they hit the floor my eyes dart, my smile is shaky shaky shaky they say, "you used to clown around now all you do is bring us down you're like a poison, like a vampire vampire vampire it's not that we're not here for you it's just that everything you do is like a sinkhole, like a quagmire quagmire quagmire" and i understand-- i really do i exhaust myself, too to lend a hand, to pull me through well, what's the point when i'm so constantly blue? i'm so depressed, or i'm just sad i don't really have it that bad it's just a lie that my mind repeats repeats repeats but knowing it's just in my brain doesn't do shit to stop the pain doesn't do anything to free me free me free me i know that i've been getting worse and you don't want to see my hearse i swear i get why you would get out get out get out so go ahead just leave me now i will stay right here on the ground i will not follow, get the lead out lead out lead out 'cause i understand-- i really do i exhaust myself, too to lend a hand, to pull me through well, what's the point when i'm so constantly blue? i'm so depressed, it doesn't quit and i treat everyone like shit and so they give up and they hate me hate me hate me i never go out anymore i stay at home and watch the floor and when i'm sober i am shaky shaky shaky i am not trying to lay blame anyone else would do the same it's in your best interest to get out get out get out please! go ahead! just leave me now i'll hide and try not to be found i will not follow, get the lead out lead out lead out i understand-- i really do i exhaust myself, too. to lend a hand, to pull me through well, what's the point when i'm so constantly blue?
2.
all my friends are playing house i'm still licking blood off my fingers my friends are up and catching fire and i am sitting down in the cinders it's not fair to say they're playing in fact, who am i to be saying anything? there's no maligning, no betraying only growth and only changing christ, there's nothing wrong with changing all my friends are drying off i'm still soaking wet in the staircase they're settling in and settling down and i am drinking 'til i'm a disgrace it's not fair to play the martyr or expect them to all stay nonstarters it's not like i've been abandoned or like they conspired and planned it and christ, who am i to claim candid? it's not fair to be so bitter i should be more kind, be more considerate there's no use crying, no use blaming over growth or over changing christ! there's nothing wrong with changing
3.
04:18
everyone is so proud they're so proud they're so proud of me for my good health, for keeping myself above the waves everyone keeps saying they say they say, "we were certain oh, shit, for sure, she's a goner, we'll see her grave" i guess i worried some folks, i guess some folks were worried some folks, i guess, thought i was a mess who'd never behave well if everyone was so sure was so damn sure i was going to swing why didn't anyone anyone anyone anyone do anything?? just kidding :) my days of ungratefulness are certainly middling just kidding, just kidding, just kidding, i'm kidding i'm very thankful you talked to each other and never to me confirming that things i was doing to myself were unhealthy never expressing concern i may be acting dangerously i never felt isolated! i never felt lonely it's no-one's fault, technically it's no-one else's fault i would not accept, would firmly reject anyone's help but if everyone was so sure was so damn sure i was going to die why didn't anyone anyone anyone anyone try whatever everyone tells me i'm doing much better whatever! whatever. the theory i'm hearing is i must be fine if i'm sometimes sober everyone sees a difference in my eyes and my composure my decreased tolerance is a symptom of having found closure i'm never fucked up now, i'm never hungover it's true that i'm it's true i'm it's true i'm not as bad as i was in the thick does that mean i'm not sick? does it mean that i've grown? certainly i'm certainly certainly i'm not like i was back at home when i was alone, and i was alone and if everyone was so sure was so damn sure i was in crosshairs why didn't anyone anyone anyone anyone care just kidding

about

tiny monthly themed ep 3/12

sometimes sickness brings you to a place that is neither very charismatic nor particularly kind

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released March 31, 2016

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people you meet outside of bars Peterborough, Ontario

hi, i'm satah. welcome to gay goth vibes dot online, my collection of big feelings. i like to sing about stuff that hearts do, like stopping forever or breaking or going too fast or whatever

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